


Hold On

by Thepracticalheartmom



Series: Practical's One Shots [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Tragedy, F/F, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Multi, Non-Canonical Character Death, Songfic, Suicide, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:34:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25873693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thepracticalheartmom/pseuds/Thepracticalheartmom
Summary: Sometimes love isn't enough to make them stay.TW: Suicide, Gore
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Series: Practical's One Shots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2028655
Comments: 10
Kudos: 42





	Hold On

**Author's Note:**

> TW: SUICIDE (If you need help, please reach out, to me, to the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255, to a friend or a trusted relative, to anyone, the world is a better place with you in it. Do not read this if you are in a bad place. Your life is worth more than this fan fiction!!!)

_Loving and fighting_

_Accusing, denying_

_I can't imagine a world with you gone_

_The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of_

_I'd be so lost if you left me alone_

“I’m not good enough to be with you two.” Bucky says, almost inaudibly.

The fight wasn’t uncommon, Bucky just couldn’t believe that Steve and I love him, that we can love him. It always comes after a nightmare. “Bucky, I love you.” I whisper.

“Buck,” Steve says “You know that isn’t true. You are the glue that holds us together. We wouldn’t be whole without you here.”

I reached over to pull Bucky back into bed, but he shrugs himself away and nearly runs into the bathroom. I shoot up out of bed, trying to catch the door before it slams. I’m just barely a second too late. I press my ear up against the door. I hear the click of a gun cocking. My eyes widen, tears springing to them. Steve hears it to, he jumps out of bed and begins to try and break the door down.

_You locked yourself in the bathroom_

_Lying on the floor when I break through_

_I pull you in to feel your heartbeat_

_Can you hear me screaming "Please don't leave me”_

The gunshot sounds as Steve breaks down. We’re both there in a second, the blood already pooling in the floor. “Please don’t leave me Bucky, stay with me. I love you. Please don’t leave me.”

Steve yells for F.R.I.D.A.Y. to call an ambulance. He puts pressure on the wound. I start CPR, counting, tears streaming down my face. Trying to keep my head clear as I alternate compressions and breathing. “1, 2, 3…” I count outloud, two rescue breaths, listen, repeat. “Come on Bucky, please come back. Don’t leave me.”

I hear the sirens in the distance, and soon, before I know it there are EMTs swarming us in the tower. They take over, pushing Steve and I back. Steve pulls me into his chest, and holds onto me as if life depends on it, and without Bucky, it might.

_Hold on, I still want you_

_Come back, I still need you_

_Let me take your hand, I'll make it right_

_I swear to love you all my life_

He promised us he wouldn’t leave us. He’d be with us until the end of the line. My thoughts race as Steve and I dress and make our way down to the garage in the basement. Steve hands me the extra helmet to his bike. My hands are shaking, I can barely hold on to Steve’s waist as he turns off onto the street.

_Hold on, I still need you_

_A long endless highway, you're silent beside me_

_Drivin' a nightmare I can't escape from_

_Helplessly praying, the light isn't fadin’_

Steve is silent, the comms in our helmets on, but silent. I find myself praying for the first time in a long time. “Please, God, don’t take him yet. Please let him pull through. He doesn’t have to die.”

We pull into the hospital just behind the ambulance.

_Hiding the shock and the chill in my bones_

_They took you away on a table_

_I pace back and forth as you lay still_

_They pull you in to feel your heartbeat_

_Can you hear me screaming, "Please don't leave me”_

I try to hide the fear that is deep seated in my heart as we watch them race him out of the ambulance and into the ER. A doctor intercepts us as we walk through the doors, they take us up into the Avenger’s wing of the hospital, into a room with a long window. Below us, we can see them continue to try and save Bucky.

A doctor works to stop the bleeding, there’s blood everywhere. The white walls stained with blood. The doctor’s scrubs more red than blue. I watch as they try to keep his heart beating. Steve holds me tight, my knees start to buckle. He backs me up into a chair, he kneels in front of me, blocking my view. I try to stand and he puts hands firmly on my shoulders. “You don’t have to watch this.” He whispers.

“Yes. I do. I promised him til the end of the line. I intend to keep it.”

_Hold on, I still want you_

_Come back, I still need you_

_Let me take your hand, I'll make it right_

_I swear to love you all my life_

I hear the monitor first, Steve hears his heart stop not for the first time tonight. He holds me tighter and we watch the team in the room below try to get Bucky back. We watch for what feels like an eternity, I never let my eyes leave Bucky. I whisper to myself. “Come back, I still need you. I swear to you, come back to us and I will do everything in my power to make it right. I love you.”

_Hold on, I still need you_

_I don't wanna let go_

_I know I'm not that strong_

_I just wanna hear you_

_Saying baby, let's go home_

After what feels like forever, the doctors step away. I can see tears in the eyes of several of the team members. So many of whom have saved his life before. They felt like family to us, and we knew this was hurting them too. My knees buckle, and even Steve can’t catch me as I fall. My knees hit the ground as I scream. Steve joined me on the ground, tears blurring both our vision. The team makes their way up to us. Dr. Thomas sits on the floor with us, tears in her eyes as she tells us that there was nothing more they could do “I’ll let you go down and say goodbye when you’re ready.”

Steve pulls us up, and he helps me walk to the OR. We step in and the coppery smell of Bucky’s blood hits me like a freight train. I can’t help the tears that spill over. I hold Bucky’s hand, “I don’t wanna let go. I wish I could hear you one more time. I love you.”

Steve’s tears were quieter than mine, but he said his goodbyes softly, his eyes betraying the brokenness we were both feeling. “Baby, let’s go home.”

_Let's go home_

_Yeah, I just wanna take you home_

_Hold on, I still want you_

_Come back, I still need you_

We walked out of the hospital, feeling even more broken than we began. The funeral was a few days later. We lowered our husband into the ground. Burying his demons with him. Roses on the casket, and in my arms, a folded up flag and Bucky’s dog tags, the only things we could take home.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a rough one. I even cried writing it. Please don't hate me!


End file.
